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As we progress through life we accumulate a lot of things. The growth of the self-storage industry is testimony to that fact. We accumulate personal property, real property and people. We accumulate places we like to visit; place we like to be. We accumulate experience and perspective. All of this gives us insight. It gives us personality and character. It gives us wisdom. It is the sum total of who we are.
Aging is a series of losses. We slowly, at least at first, lose the capacity to do many of things we have always done; at least do them as well as we used to do them. The stairs get steeper; the golf shots get shorter; the print gets smaller and people talk softer and mumble more. Things seem to mean less. You don’t buy cars as often or new clothes. Many of the important people in our life are gone. Some of them were very close to you. Because we experience who we are through the things we do, the things we have, the places we hang out and the people with whom we are engaged, the losses can, and often do, diminish us. The key to successful aging is to be able to replace these losses with new sources of fulfillment and meaning even as our capacities are diminishing. This essay is about how to capture the essence of who they are. If that can be done then it is possible to find in ourselves that which gives our lives the greatest meaning. This will allow you to make plans to insure that your life, as you age, will continue to give you and those around you, a sense of fulfillment and meaning. As we age we may not be able to jump and run as we used to but we can still find fulfillment if we better understand how we gain the fulfillment we now experience from life.
When we are confronted with questions about the meaning of life it usually throws us for a loop. Ask most people to share with you their purpose in life and they will draw a blank. Even if they have the courage to stay with the question they will have difficulty in forming an answer that does anything more than skate on the surface of this issue. The same is true if you ask what is the essence of who they are; what makes them unique and distinct as a person. But it is nevertheless true that if we are to age successfully we need to become more aware of who we are and what gives us meaning and purpose in life. It is also true that the earlier we can come to grips with who we are the richer our lives will be. Â
But there are ways to explore the essence of your self. It is the view of host that we tend to gather meaning from life in our activities, in our relationships and in the places where we engage in those activities. If we can explore the activities of life we enjoy the most; the people we enjoy the most being with; the places where we most enjoy being, we can learn more about ourselves and what gives our life meaning. We can go from there to explore how we can recreate the same sense of meaning when we may not be able to engage in those same precise activities or when we lose important relationships or we can no longer be in those places we hold dear.
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You can begin this discovery process quite simply. Make a list of your favorite activities whether it is cooking, reading, golfing, fishing or whatever. Have your spouse make their own list. You can also make a joint list. Don’t limit yourself at this point but be encouraged be as expansive as possible. Next make a list of your favorite people. Again, a separate list for each spouse plus a combine list would be useful. Finally make a list of your favorite places. They can be places of activity; places of solitude and places were you hang out with others. If your home is not on this list think about it. It is often overlooked because it is such an integral part of our lives. The next step is to revisit the lists. Go over the activity list and come up with names of people you are engaged with in those activities. Ask yourself whether they should be added to your favorite people list. Consider where you engage in these activities. Should they be added to your favorite places list? Then go through the same routine with your favorite people list and favorite places list. By the time you are through you will have a reasonably lengthy set of lists.
 The next step is to pare the lists down to the TOP TEN in each category. If you have less than 10 then reduce the lists down to the top seven or top five. The point is you should winnow the lists down in order to be forced to consider what and why each is important to you.
It should be noted that this exercise probably can’t and shouldn’t be done in conjunction with other people. You need to be alone with your thoughts and feelings. It is an activity that probably is best accomplished at home. But give yourself a deadline because it is the sort of thing that can easily be put off. Once you have their lists winnowed down to the precious few then write a note about each activity, person and place explaining why they are on your list. Why do you enjoy doing, being with or being there? Ask yourself about each activity and consider whether you would enjoy it if you could not do it well. Ask yourself about the people on their list. Would you enjoy being with them if you couldn’t be engaged in the activities you normal pursue with them. Consider how and where you could discover others who might be as fulfilling to be with as the people who they have on their list. Consider what it is about the places on your list that makes them important to you. If you could not access any of these places what it is about them that could help discover new places that might be accessible to you as you age. This is especially important to determine with regard to your home. Knowing that you are bound and determined, at all cost, to stay in your home is important to know and plan for to insure you can do so – physically and financially. Finally, ask yourself what you have learned about yourself from their selections. Â
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Write all of this down in a journal. The act of writing it down will help you make what you have learned real. It will serve as a double check on its reality as well. If it doesn’t ring true as you write it down it is probably not true. Revisiting this journal over time will allow you to revisit and update your values and sources of fulfillment because they will change as you change. This journal can also serve as a wonderful legacy for your children and children.
 In other essays through out this website, we will discuss how to use the results of this exercise in self-awareness.  Its purpose is the prepare you to think about how to respond to your aging and changing capacity in order to provide the same sense of meaning and fulfillment that you have gotten out of life heretofore. All of this can be done on blank sheets of paper or, preferably, in a journal. However, we will give you providers to contact, in the Additional Resources tab, if you want a preprinted workbook and instructions.
 6/17/2008 |
