Papa was my father-in-law.  He wasn’t my wife’s natural father who died when she was just a teenager.  Papa had been the first landlord of my wife’s mother, Cita, and her husband George when they first married.  He had become a good friend and would accompany George to the horse races they both enjoyed attending.  Papa had lost his wife not long before Cita had lost her husband.  Cita had contacted Papa to tell him of George’s death.  He came to call.

Papa and Cita were married soon after I first met Judy and began dating in college.  I didn’t know much about him except that he was tall, dark and gangly – very thin – and Cita was short and had a Celtic complexion.  They seemed to be the odd couple to me but nothing could have been further from the truth as time proved.

Papa had had no children and often said that he was attracted to Cita in large part because of the built-in family that came with her.  Cita sold her house and moved to Papa’s place.  One of the first memories I have of Papa is of him ironing doll clothes and dressing my wife’s and her sister’s dolls to put under the Christmas tree – I guess for their first Christmas together.  He had rescued the dolls and the clothes from Cita’s house when it was sold.

Papa loved his grandchildren!  When he and Cita would visit it was always a highlight in our children’s lives.  The 4^th of July was always memorable.  Papa would always organize the 4^th of July Olympics consisting of various contests for our two boys to participate in.  He was always thinking of projects for them that he could share with them such as setting up a fruit stand on the corner of our street to sell the apricots from our backyard.  When they left to go home it was always a time of big disappointment for our boys.  One time our youngest was so upset and angry that as he was leaving he couldn’t find the words to express himself.  He wanted to call him a bad name and out came “ you Papa Coo Coo.”  He has been Papa Coo Coo ever since.

Papa was one of 7 children.  He was born in Wisconsin and raised in the Los Angeles area.  I learned very little about his family.  I do know that he had one brother who was a very successful sculptor and another brother who was a librarian and an expert on rare books.  He had one sister who was a spinster and worked for a major bank all of her life.  The one story he liked to tell about his youth in Wisconsin was about the time his mother baked an apple pie.  Papa had a lot of chores to do before he could enjoy a piece of the pie and he was worried that it would all be gone by the time he got a chance to have his share so he licked the entire crust thinking no one would dare eat it after that.  When he came in from his chores he discovered the pie tin with just the crust in it; the pie filling was all gone!

Papa had successful career with the Internal Revenue Service but before that he had a rich and interesting career in music; that he talked little about although he had a number pictures of himself and many of his band members around the house.  So we could ask questions.  We didn’t know how famous he was until some one from the Rutgers Institute of Jazz Studies contacted Cita after Papa’s death for information and material to add to their library.  Papa had his own jazz band that toured the West Coast and Hawaii in the 1920’s and 30’s.  His band had the first female vocalist and appeared in a number of movies.  He played in the USC marching band in the Rose Bowl and Rose Parade when they couldn’t field enough students.  He and a partner founded a jazz magazine, Tempo, that was eventually bought out by Downbeat.  He played the trombone which fit his height quite well. 

Papa saw a lot of life especially as a collection agent for the IRS but it never jaded his own outlook on life or approach to life’s issues.  He was always positive and enthusiastic and full of creative ideas.  He was active and engaging and encouraging.  He was a pleasure to be around.

Sam was my father.  By the time my sister and I were born he had become a very successful life insurance agent and agency manager.  He got his Chartered Life Underwriter designation in 1939 and became an agency manager in 1947.  He built the agency into the 10^th largest for the then third largest life insurance company in the world.  He was the founder of the quarter million dollar club for the National Association of Life Insurance Agents in Alameda County, California (that might be the average size policy for some agents today!).  He was head of the Red Feather campaign for the local Community Chest; the head of the annual Easter Seal Campaign, chair to the Children’s Home Society and President of his Kiwanis Club – all in Alameda County, CA.  He was a highly respected and well-known member of his community.  It was always a treat for me to go to the office with him on Saturday and walk around town with him as many who passed by on the street would stop to say hello.  It was a great feeling as a little boy to see the respect that others had for my father.

Prior to my birth things were much different for my father and mother and my two brothers.  Mom and Dad were from Alberta, Canada.  My mother had a millinery store when they met and my father was a school teacher.  They both came from farming families.  Life was austere for both but it was especially difficult for my father’s family.  He was the youngest of three boys and four sisters.  The farm was significantly poor and my grandfather was not a good farmer and had very bad vision.  He found productive employment hard to come by.  My Mom and Dad came to California when they got married in the early 1920s.  He was a substitute teacher in the Los Angeles system.  He bounced around various school districts in California both as a teacher and administrator.  Apparently he had very definite ideas on how things should be run and when his superiors didn’t agree it led to a departure.  He eventually left teaching and began selling books for World Book.  His territory included Northern California and Hawaii.  He traveled a lot as a result.  This led to the move into the life insurance business in the mid-1930s in the middle of the depression.

My father was a very strict disciplinarian and ruled home and hearth with an iron fist and, as I have been told, a bad temper.  I am sure this was aggravated or compounded by his sense of failure due to his lack of success in the education field; plus the pressures of his financial situation.  I am sure he was bound and determined not to repeat the lack of financial success of his father.  My oldest brother eventually ran away from home at around age 12 and was mostly “on the road” and away from home all of my life at home.  My next brother suffered from my Dad’s disciplinarian style.  Fortunately by the time I came along my Dad had the success he was looking for and was substantially mellowed but he still could be very strict and forceful in his enforcement of discipline.  And I think my birth gave him a chance to redeem himself as a father.  Whatever the cause I was the happy beneficiary of different father than my brothers had experienced.

My mother and father lived to celebrate their 60^th anniversary but their marriage relationship was not a close as you might expect for that length of time together.  Divorce was not economically possible or acceptable in society.  So they stayed together.  However, my mother moved out briefly well into her 80’s.  They had very different views of life especially spiritually.  My mother found peace and escape in her philosophical and spiritual pursuits.  My father found peace and fulfillment in his business and professional success.  When he retired he liked to travel (my mother stayed home), buy and sell homes, garden and play golf.

By the time my father died all of his peers and most of his friends had already passed on.  He had also moved down to Southern California to be near me and my family so there wasn’t anyone to invite to a memorial service.  Just before he died we gathered my two brothers and sister together for Thanksgiving and I could see that my Dad experienced a release from that event.  Even though his relationship with my siblings and particularly my oldest brother was strained it still seemed to be cathartic experience for him.  He died soon after that.  We did have a little memorial service for my Dad at a redwood grove he had endowed for the Save the Redwood League attended by my wife and I, our two sons and my next oldest brother and his wife.  As we sat there among the redwoods trying to remember and share positive thoughts about Dad, my sister-in-law had to get up and leave.  Her memories would not allow her to participate in this charade.